Are you experiencing thoughts of hurting yourself? Link to Resources for people experiencing suicidal thoughts.

I understand that life can sometimes feel like just another problem, heartache, stress and disappointment after another.  But, that is only what you are feeling right now, today.  It doesn't mean that you will be feeling the same way in a few minutes, later on tonight, tomorrow or next month.  By depriving yourself of a future, you are cutting off tomorrow's joys, love, tranquility and achievements.  I urge you to keep reading right now and to visit some of the links below.  Or call one of the hotlines or a friend, a parent, a sister, a brother, a teacher, a priest, a rabbi or call me or another therapist or counselor.

In the winter of 2006, our family lost someone dear to us from suicide.  We did not know how lost he truly was.  He was excellent at hiding that he was as depressed as he was. He planned every little detail and covered all tracks so that no one could stop him.  Now, we all wonder what we might have done to stop him.  We should have reached out more often, told him that we loved him, told him that he was not a burden or a disappointment (as he believed that he was).  Experiencing this loss has been unbearable, especially to those closest to him.  If I can only stop you from wanting to leave this earth today or tonight, then I will be the happiest person that I know and you will have given me a very special gift.

Although you may not realize it right now, someone loves you very much and would be devastated should you take your own life.  No… they are not better off without you! They will forever hate themselves for not somehow seeing the warning signs or your sadness.  Or, if you want to hurt yourself for revenge towards someone who has hurt you, you are only depriving yourself of new relationships and joys that life will bring to you after your depression lifts.  That person who you are trying to hurt will only go on with their life, eventually.

Doing what I've been doing for the past 21 years (counseling people), I have seen countless examples of how treatment works.  If it did not work for you in the past, find a new therapist, get a new medication - try again. Therapy is an inexact science.  The chemistry between your therapist and you might not have clicked or a certain medication or strategy for combating depression might not have worked.   Treatment can work for you if you allow yourself to try again. Talk to someone about your sadness and what you might perceive as your failures in life.  We are often our own worst enemies and are sometimes cruel and negative in how we see our lives. We become so used to putting ourselves down that all of our inner talk becomes negative. You need to learn how to speak positively to yourself and to see what makes you special.

I urge you to reach out and stop the cycle that you have found yourself in. Or do something that you once found pleasurable: read a book or a poem, get a massage, go for a walk somewhere pretty, take a yoga or exercise class, get on your bike, get a cup of coffee at your favorite coffee shop and watch the people walk by, look at the stars and the moon, write a poem and send it to me or someone else, pick up the phone and call an old friend or a new friend, plant a plant, pull some weeds out or buy your first cactus or watch the snow fall, go skiing or tubing, rent a movie, go to a bookstore and look at some photography or art books, drink some hot coco or tea, drive to a lake or a duck pond or a beach and look at the water and animals, take your dog or someone else's dog for a walk, pet your cat, get an animal if you don't have one…

You will feel joy again and look back at this time in your life as if it were a bad dream - a deep, black hole.  Life is like a maze.  When you get stuck in a dead end, you have to turn around and find another way.  Experiment with life - if something doesn't work, try something else.   Allow yourself to be helped.  You are special and have talents, even if you haven't discovered them yet.  You are unique - you bring to the world something that no one else brings. There are people who love you and want you with them for a long time to come. There are people out there who won't be helped if you are not around to help them. At our loved one's funeral, we heard from countless friends about how he had helped them, how he had saved their lives.  I bet that you aren't even aware of who you helped in your life, but they are all out there and appreciate you, even if they didn't tell you…

So, I am asking you to please stay with us and keep reading.  You will learn something about yourself and others.  You will find a reason to keep going, even if it is only for today.  And then you will discover a reason to stay with us tomorrow and the next day.  Before, you know it, you will have found hope again and you will keep on going and will begin to enjoy your life once again…

Please look at these excellent links:
 
Suicide: Read this first:
www.metanoia.org/suicide
www.preventsuicidenow.com
 
If you are trying to help someone who may be suicidal:
www.metanoia.org/suicide/whattodo.htm
 
National Suicide Prevention Directory:   darkmother.com
 
Or Call A Hotline even if it's just to chat for a few moments:
 

For Teens: 1-800-999-9999
For crisis, suicidal thoughts, youth shelters and for runaways and youths in danger.
 
Hotlines in the Hudson Valley and Environs, Dutchess Columbia County, Northern Connecticut (Northwest Corner) & Capital Region:
 
Albany, NY Suicide Hotlines:
 

******************************************* Dutchess County, NY Suicide and Crisis Line.
 

******************************************* Ellenville, NY:
 

******************************************* Hudson Valley/ New Paltz Oasis Peer Counseling: 8 AM - 1 AM, 7 days a week
 

******************************************* Kingston, NY:
 

******************************************* New Paltz, NY:
 

******************************************* New York City, NY:
 

******************************************* Orange County, NY: Mental Health Association
 

******************************************* Orange County, NY: Mobile Mental Health and Crisis
 

******************************************* Ulster County, NY: The Mental Health Association - Crisis/ Suicide Line & Referral.
 

******************************************* Westchester, NY: Mental Health Association.
 

******************************************* Woodstock, NY:
 

******************************************* Northwest Corner (Northern Connecticut):
 

*******************************************
If You Have Lost Someone From Suicide

What is it like to lose someone we love through suicide? If the person was very close to you, a child, a parent, a partner, it is an unspeakable pain.  A loved one will trace their footsteps, wondering if anything could have been done to prevent the tragedy.  People move through all the stages of loss, sometimes all together, sometimes spaced out over time.  Survivors bargain to make it not true, they deny that it ever happened in the first place, they wish that it was them & not their loved one who had perished.  Guilt can overwhelm a survivor - I should have known how deeply he or she was in pain.  Why couldn't I have stopped him/her?? All of these thoughts and stages are common and normal.

What we know about "successful" suicide is that there is often a plan developed and hidden from loved ones and quietly and perfectly executed.  There was nothing that you could have done to stop your loved one from doing what they did.  It is not your fault!

Everyone processes their grief in different ways.  Do not think that you are grieving in the "wrong" way.  Don't let other people in your life tell you how to grieve or that whatever your going through is "wrong".

You might find that it feels uncomfortable talking to people in your life regarding your loss.  You might fear losing control over your emotions.  People often feel that they don't know what to say or how to comfort you.  A group, an individual counselor or a clergy professional might help in giving you permission to explore your feelings regarding your loved one.

Here are some resources to provide you with some support and guidance:
 

Support Groups for Survivors in the Hudson Valley/ Capital District:
 

I hope that this section of my website has been helpful.  If any of my links are incorrect or if you have other resources that you would like to share, please contact me.

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Saturday, 04-Sep-2010 01:25:18